Life is good.
You’re not arguing with your teenager anymore…
But something still feels off.
And it has nothing to do with not having the right words. It has nothing to do with you asking for too much.
It’s this…
YOU.
I know. I don’t really know you.
…but I know this.
Your whole identity is tied to being their mom.
You struggle to give them space because you’re afraid you’ll lose them if you do. You blame everything from their hormones to them not having dad around.
And because connection requires you to feel like your life actually belongs to you, no matter how much you pray for a closer relationship, because you ARE there for them…
You feel like they’re just your broke roommate.
The Things We Do Instead of Actually Connecting
So you:
- plan trips, hoping they’ll feel more like a friend and want to do things with you when you get back
- convince yourself it’s just the stage of life they’re in
- think they’re ungrateful and just don’t recognize all you do for them
When you understand that making your whole identity about your children IS a form of disconnection—you’ll stop feeling guilty for thinking “fuck these kids” (but not really joking), and have a life that expands as your kids grow.
The Truth About Connection
People don’t connect with you because they feel cared for. They connect with you when they feel known. And it’s hard to get to know them when you’re trying to monitor, manage, and predict everything they do.
Which means…
It’s time to TAKE YOUR FREAKING LIFE BACK!!!
My Wake-Up Call
The time when I struggled THE MOST to connect with my son was when I was doing crazy levels of people-pleasing things like driving 4 hours for a guy I was dating who couldn’t even be bothered to come down to the lobby to get me and staying the night anyway because I didn’t want HIM to feel bad.
Not only was I attaching my identity to my son, I was attaching it to whoever I was with at the time and putting their needs first.
And putting everybody else ahead of myself made me feel resentful and angry but I’d stuff it down. And unfortunately, like a shaken Pepsi, my son would be the one to unscrew the lid and get whatever came out.
What Changed Everything
Now, my son tells me all sorts of stuff (not EVERYTHING—thank God for his friends). I have an amazing man who wholeheartedly supports me but who doesn’t define me because I’m already whole!
That didn’t happen overnight (this is a journey that took me 5 years).
And it wasn’t just from improving my communication skills or wanting less.
It happened because I decided to define myself again and BE TUNISHA instead of John’s mom or whoever’s wife.
My actions became more aligned with my vision and values. I attracted a partner who’s everything from my Bible study partner to my Zaddy.
But it started with me taking control of my life and untying my identity from anyone else’s.
The Inside-Out Principle
Connection flows from the inside out. If you want deeper, healthier connections, change the connection with yourself.
This is exactly what needs to shift:
- Your habit of leaving yourself behind to make others more comfortable so you can experience deeper connection and a life that makes you excited to get out of bed everyday
- Your habit of trying to keep it together by suppressing your feelings so you ooze joy, creativity, and emotional freedom
- Your habit of doing the heavy-lifting in relationships trying to keep things running smoothly so you feel chosen, not just depended on
The real, radiant you is already in there. She just needs to come back where everybody can see her.
If this resonates and you’re ready to reclaim yourself, I teach this entire transformation process inside my program Reclaiming Me. It’s where we completely rewire these patterns so you can finally have the connection you crave—starting with yourself.
