I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about beetles, particularly weevils and how they are a metaphor for our negative self-talk.
Let’s just start with what a weevil is and how it operates.
A weevil is a small beetle that doesn’t attack from the outside first. It gets inside.
It digs its way into grains, seeds, or plants and lays its eggs there. From the outside, everything can look completely fine. But inside, the larvae has already hatched and is eating it’s way through.
By the time you notice the damage, it’s already changed the structure.
Our negative beliefs about ourselves:
• I’m not good enough.
• I’m not pretty enough.
• I’m not lovable.
• I’m too damaged.
• I’ve messed up so many times
Those beliefs started as tiny little larvae planted in some early experience, maybe childhood. And by the time we noticed them, we were on the therapist’s couch battling depression and anxiety that we couldn’t understand. How did we even get to this point?
Maybe your mom only focused on what you did wrong and never said anything positive. Maybe you spent your life being compared to other people. While they were celebrated, you were shown where you don’t measure up.
No matter what happened–something got in.
And instead of it being inspected, it was accepted.
From there, your thinking started organizing around it. You didn’t just have the thought—you started building a life around it. Decisions, relationships, how you showed up, what you tolerated, what you avoided.
And eventually, it stopped sounding like a thought.
It sounded like the truth.
That’s the part that keeps moms from changing alongside their kids as they’re taking on new identities. We just stay trapped in ours.
Because you don’t fight something you believe is true.
You build around it.
So now that you see patterns you inherited that you’re trying to unlearn, there’s a little voice telling you that you can’t unlearn it. That it’s who you are. More larvae being born and trying to eat away at you.
That’s why it feels like you “know better” but still don’t show up differently.
That’s why your reactions don’t match your intentions.
That’s why you can have the vision for who you want to be and still fall back into patterns that don’t align with it.
It has nothing to do with the fact that you’re incapable.
It has everything to do with what’s been operating inside that you couldn’t see.
But that tells me something crucial. We don’t have an identity problem. We have a pest control problem.
So how do you deal with the mental weevils?
Well, let’s start with what you don’t do. You don’t shame yourself for having them. You don’t pretend they’re gone just because you read a quote, said an affirmation twice, and promised yourself you’d “do better next time.” And you definitely don’t try to become a whole new person overnight.
You deal with them the same way you deal with any infestation. First, you identify what’s actually there. Then you interrupt what’s feeding it. Then you stop giving it access to keep reproducing.
So if you want a place to start, don’t start with “How do I become a better mom to a teenager?”
Start with: What story comes alive in me when my child _____?
Fill in the blank with whatever the thing is that is activating you in a way that you hate or that doesn’t feel like the real you.
That question will tell you where the weevils are.
When you feel yourself getting reactive, don’t just focus on the behavior in front of you. Slow down enough to ask: What was I just thinking? What did I make this mean? What story did my mind tell me in the last five seconds? That’s where pattern interruption starts—not after the yelling, but in the thought right before it.
Sometimes the thought is obvious. And sometimes it’s more hidden. That thought is not harmless.
It creates a feeling. The feeling drives the reaction. And the reaction keeps reinforcing the original belief.
That’s one of the reasons negative self-talk is so powerful. It doesn’t just sit in your head. It starts changing your posture, your tone, your expectations, your patience, your choices, and eventually your identity. That’s why my work is not about tricks. It’s about helping moms see the invisible dynamic under what keeps happening.
And if you’re in that space where you can see the pattern but you still keep slipping back into it, that doesn’t mean you’re not serious. It means you need more support, more practice, and more specificity. Insight is a starting point.
Getting rid of mental weevils is not about trying harder. It’s about no longer feeding what’s been eating you up.